you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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