if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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