All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
