I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
