My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
