I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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