I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my shit smells like andre
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
