so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
