my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize