C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
