He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
