did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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