god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
