Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
