I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
