I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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