this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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