Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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