That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
