Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize