did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
