So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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