Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
