If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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