we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
