Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
