she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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