Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Couch. On fire.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
