Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize