So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
