So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
