my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
