Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
