yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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