I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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