I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
