Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
