Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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