I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
