I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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