if i can run in heels then i can drive
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
