i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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