Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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