Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
