Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
