just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
