be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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