genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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