You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
