btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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